From the Associate Vicar: Getting Better at Fear

From the Associate Vicar: Getting Better at Fear

From the Associate Vicar: Getting Better at Fear

# From The... - Letters to the Congregation

From the Associate Vicar: Getting Better at Fear

Dear One’s of St. C’s, 

A theme we are exploring at St. C’s right now is getting better at fear.  This past Sunday a member of our congregation, Dr. Vibh Forsythe Cox, who is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in adolescents and trauma, spoke in our Adult Forum about emotions.  Vibh told us that fear, like all emotions, is trying to tell us something.  Fear is trying to warn us, but to what, is our choice to figure out. So by getting better at fear we mean noticing when your mind and body are telling you to be afraid and taking a moment to assess what this emotion is trying to tell you and then to know you get to make a choice about what to do with that information.

Vibh spoke to us on Sunday about how this is not always a simple choice to make, especially if it is something you have been fearful of for awhile and have avoided or stayed away from because of your feelings of fear.  Vibh told us that you when you avoid something you are afraid of, the desire to avoid that thing only increases.  The feeling of being afraid will not lessen over time unless you face that fear and have experiences that teach your mind and body that you are safe.  

When I was growing up my parents were fearful of open water. It wasn’t that they never let us go on a boat or swim in the ocean, but the fear was definitely present. I recently got a paddle board and as I have just begun using it, I have found myself surprised by my fear.  A couple of times this week I have questioned and regretted this purchase.  A reoccurring thought I have is, “it would just be safer and easier if I had never bought this paddle board to begin with.” And here is where the choice comes in.  I can sell the paddle board and never go out on that water or I can listen to the helpful parts of what fear is trying to tell me and make my own choice to go out on the water. 

The other morning, two good friends invited me to join them to go paddle boarding.  I said yes, and then immediately wanted to cancel.  I was afraid.  But I knew I had a choice to make.  I began a narrative in my head. It went like this,  “This is what being new at something feels like.  The water is scary, but I have a life vest and friends who know what they are doing and I can always go back to shore.  This is what being new at something feels like.  The more I do it, the less scary it will be.  It will not always feel this way.  This is what being new at something feels like.”  And I said this narrative on the drive over and until I put that paddle board in the water and followed my friends.

I made the choice to go out on the water.  To join my friends, to face my fears, and to enjoy beauty and goodness.  What do we miss out on in life because we are afraid?  How do we learn how to assess our fears and make a choice?  How do we not let fear rule our lives, but instead inform our decisions?  How does fear keep us from the freedom, joy, and love that God desires for us?  Does fear keep us from participating in the world God is inviting us into?  We will keep asking these questions together as we look deeper at the impact of the emotion of fear in our lives and how that impacts the church and people we want to be.   

With care, 

Meghan

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