From the Vicar: Acceptance, Change, and Hope

From the Vicar: Acceptance, Change, and Hope

From the Vicar: Acceptance, Change, and Hope

# From The... - Letters to the Congregation

From the Vicar: Acceptance, Change, and Hope

Dear Ones of St. Columba's,

It's dark out there, and I'm not only talking about the weather. Although, I am including the weather, as we barrel toward winter and what meteorologists in the Pacific Northwest call "The Great Dark." It seems to happen in a rush, each year - one day the sunlight seems eternal and the next day I have to check and make sure the light activated door on my chicken coop has been able to register enough daylight to let the ladies out. I'm serious, there are days mid-winter when the light sensor just refuses to acknowledge daytime, given its available information about the amount of actual light in the middle of the "day." 

This time of year can bring with it a metaphorical darkness as well. Our bodies are deprived of the energy and vitamins of sunlight, and that can bring a dullness and even depression. Some among us experience a loss of mobility - driving at night keeps some home during hours that are open for activity in summer months. And here in the beginning, this season can seem like it will never end.

I'm finding comfort and inspiration in the theories behind Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, these days. (Also known as DBT.) It's a therapy approach I first learned of from St. C's parishioner Dr. Vibh Forsythe-Cox, who is a specialist in this work. I am not an expert, but I have learned that at the core of this therapeutic theory is a conversation between radical acceptance of what is and the potential for things to change. This reminds me of the serenity prayer, words first written by theologian and ethicist Reinhold Neibuhr: Lord let me accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can. Neibuhr worked toward many significant changes, and was a direct inspiration for the work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Radical acceptance of what is - this comforts me, because in this great dark there are many things I cannot change. I cannot change the weather, the amount of available sunlight, or many of the things other people do that bother me. I can, however, accept them and let them be what they are. I can look for blessings in the things I cannot change and I can know that nothing lasts forever, not even dark fall and winter days. 

And change - I can change how I behave. I can change my own practices of care toward myself and others, I can make sure the chicken coop door opens, that the children are seen and loved, that the people I love know that I love them. 

I think that somewhere in the conversation between these two things - acceptance and change - is where hope lives. Hope being the ability to trust in a good future, even if there are things about the present moment that do not feel good. 

So as it turns out, I am not afraid of The Great Dark. There is something restful and quiet about it. There is permission to rest, in ways that don't come easily during sun soaked summers. I can accept it, and then use the experience of living in the dark to explore what I can control, and change, and learn. 

This week we will start a formation series on getting better at fear. We began this work specifically with and for people who are parents or grandparents this past summer, working with Vibh on how we can manage our fears and not pass them on to our kids. Now as the Great Dark descends, we will start to talk about how we can get better at the fears that separate us from other people of all sorts - people whose situations scare us, people whose political views scare us, people whose lives we cannot change and must accept, but who we can learn to love and welcome - a change we can make. I hope you will join this conversation in some way, as we move into the future accepting what we must and changing what we can, together.

with care and gratitue,

Alissa

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