From The Vicar: Easter is Coming (no matter what)

From The Vicar: Easter is Coming (no matter what)

From The Vicar: Easter is Coming (no matter what)

# From The... - Letters to the Congregation

From The Vicar: Easter is Coming (no matter what)

Dear Ones of St. Columba's,

When I first started attending an Episcopal church, I was captivated by the complexity of the liturgy. This was at our cathedral in Seattle - St. Mark's - and I remember feeling like I would never get tired of trying to figure out how to do all the things right - when to cross myself, when to bow, how to say the words of the creed without needing to look at the bulletin. About five years after I was confirmed at St. Mark's I got married to Andrew, and we switched to a different church, St. Paul's Seattle. St. Paul's has an Anglo-Catholic worship tradition, which meant there was even more to pay attention to and learn to do in their worship. This is the good stuff, I thought. There came a day when I actually knew it all - I knew and understood when to bow, when to genuflect, kneel, stop to light a candle at the Mary shrine, etc. I understood when the bell rang during the Eucharist and why, and so much more. I felt skilled, and knowledgeable and just so so Christian. 

Then I got bored. 

Yes, you read correctly. Shortly after mastering All The Liturgical Things, I suddenly found them extremely boring. Oh no! I remember thinking. Is this all just empty ritual after all? Can I really do this every Sunday for the rest of my life and call it good? IS THIS ALL THERE IS? 

That is probably about when I should have set up a coffee date with my priest. But I didn't want her to know. Being bored is hardly a dramatic or exciting faith crisis, after all, so I just kept going. I kept doing the things, and praying the prayers and showing up for mid-week evening prayer on Wednesdays. I knelt and genuflected and crossed myself and lit candles and tried to look like it was all still very exciting to me. 

And then one day, I realized something: God didn't need me to be especially interested, excited, or engaged to show up in worship. I could be irritated, bored, and impatient, and I was still nourished by the bread and wine of Eucharist. I could be sleepy and distracted, and I still breathed a little easier after stopping to pray at the Mary shrine, than I did before. I could feel all the cynical feelings about the world around me and the ritual in front of me and still, I left just a little bit kinder and more hopeful than I arrived. 

This is how the theological truth of the sacrament became real and embodied, for me. We believe that our sacraments are actions that come from God toward humanity, and our whole job is to simply show up for them. Not to show up in a particular way or with a specific attitude, but to show up as we are, in whatever state of interest, boredom, hope, despair, joy or brokenness we happen to find ourselves. We see this truth most clearly in the week that begins this Sunday - our Holy Week. This is the week we follow Jesus to the cross. Jesus, the ultimate action of God toward humanity, will be persecuted and killed this week. We will participate, watch, mourn, and bear witness. And however we show up, God will love us, renew us, and call us closer to God's loving self. 

Easter is coming friends - no matter what. I have walked many Holy Weeks in the years since I first fell in and out of boredom with our liturgy. I have discovered that once the flush of newness and the first round of blasé feelings passed there was so much more to discover in our practice of worship. I still discover more to know, and more to understand of God and myself, every week. If I could talk to my former self I would tell her yes, you can do this every Sunday for the rest of your life. In fact, getting to worship God in liturgy every Sunday, and all the other days we mark with worship in our faith tradition, will be one of the deepest joys and biggest honors of your life.

with care and gratitude,

Alissa

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  St. Columba Episcopal Church   ·   Physical address: 26715 Military Rd, Kent, WA 98032
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